After a day, i am feeling better and i have pondered over what i shd do. This cld be the second time i am enlightened. I reflected upon myself, thinking what i had achieve these few months. The illusionism answer could be lotsa things. However, the reality answer is nothing practically. You may have wondered why i said all these things, am i right?I am only living in my shadows in the illusion world. I dare not be brave nor courageous.
All the things which i have done were useless. In academically, i shall'nt say anything becuz i feel i have not maximized myself. Getting 4th in class doesnt mean much to me. In the past, i often got the position 38th or 39th in the class, and i din giv up. Having gotten 4th in class, i realised that my oldself was back agin. The old complacent, careless, stupid, idiotic, clumsy, reliant on others me. Since the term had started, i had not been giving my best shot. My grades were detoriating. I focused myself too much on beating the others that i din work hard. I know that if i continue like this, finally i wld be at the losing end. My parents would have been disappointed in me, i had failed, betrayed their trust, giv them empty promises... ...
WHY???I really do not want it to happen, neither do i want others to depict me as a proud, sore loser, useless person. Every teacher sees me as a parasite, my siblings ignoring me, treating me invisible... ...I do not wish to brag, what i have said here are the words felt from my bottom heart. Those people who read this may think that i am trying to gain sympathy on myself and show them what i wanna do. I can tell u i am NOT!The reason i am writing this is because i am really remorseful.I regretted my actions.To be able to learn abt yr own mistakes is better early than sry.Everytime i see zhenghan studying so hard, i will feel inferior. If he cld do it, i can too. "To err is human", the saviour is yr ownself, not yr parents, teachers or friends. I firmly perceived in this saying. I will persever, not letting my parents, teachers(mrs chin too), friends(weijing, sam,daryll, yunzheng etc), seniors(those whom i promised will surely get to see my success). I really feel very better, i am going to excel, giv me encouragements kae..=PpP
