I feel like I can have a mental breakdown now any moment. A lot of stuff is going down in my life. I have just joined the Sirius Marketing Company Pte Ltd in this week itself. Basically it is doing sales and marketing and right now, I am representing Singtel in going from household to household to market their Fibre Optics System. This is known as face to face marketing. The reason why I joined this company is because of their work culture that is different from other companies out there. The people there are extremely friendly and helpful and the office politics is almost literally zero. I have worked for 3 days and never regretted my decision at all. In fact, whenever I end work, I feel extremely accomplished. However right, the reason why i felt stressed was because my family itself was actually quite against my decision of joining sales and marketing. That is because in sales and marketing, there is no basic pay and everything you do is based on commission. They feel that it is not safe not to have a basic pay. I totally understand their concern and I have tried explaining to them but apparently I have not gained their approval, especially my father.
Currently, there are certain problems going on in my family. My grandfather got admitted into the hospital 2 weeks ago because he fractured his arm. He was just admitted home ytd. Apparently, this was what had happened last night during my sleep time. The hospital gave him a temporary cast on his hand but he actually pulled it out during the night and cried out in pain. Early morning, everyone had to check on him out of their sleep. I was home quite late ytd as I decided to go and work myself without the help of my mentor. FYI,Saturday is supposed to be my offday. It was just that I wanted to try working without the help of my mentor so I so called worked on saturday. I was awoken by my sleep and couldnt get back to sleep. Prolly due to not sleeping well, I made a comment that I had to work later and now I feel so tired and cannot go to sleep. My dad then made a sarcastic remark : " Who asked you to work on Saturday and Sunday one, you deserve it." I was seething red and no longer thinking straight so I just blurt out : " Aiya, I just dun have to explain to you everything that I do right. " Immediately, he saw red and came shouting at me : " Fuck u, what kind of undergrad are you. Talk to me like that. Your grandfather already cause so many problems and you did not even bother to help. Huh, only know to ask for help when you run into problems. Next time when you go university the fees who help you pay, undergraduate my foot. "
I kept totally quiet. It was not that I admitted it was my fault. It was just that I cannot be bothered anymore to continue this conversation with him. How can he say that I did not care about my grands at all? When grands was admitted to the hospital, i visited him on most of the days that I could make it and I never complained at all. He is my dad, he should be the one who is going to encourage me when I am feeling down and stuff and yet, nothing at all. He blamed me and my job without understanding why I wanted to do it in the first place. I do not mind my job being tough but all I want is some understanding from him but nope. All I get from him in his eyes was I am a useless brat who cannot seem to do anything proper. No matter how hard I try, my efforts will never be recognised. And now, he is threatening me with the university fees. You know what? I've decided. For the university fees, Im fine without him paying at all. In fact, I do not need his help. I think through 2 years of NS + work now, I have matured and become more independent. A lot of stuff I am able to do by myself without him. If you know me, you will know I hate threats. I cannot believe this is coming from my own father.
I am quite upset to be honest. But no point in getting angry. You know sth, the tongue is actually a dangerous tool, sometimes the words that you say can never be taken back. Perhaps it could be on the spur of the moment and you din mean it, but eh damage is done and I can saay its mentally collateral. Lord, I pray to you to be by my side helping me tide over this crisis. You are the heavenly father now that I always turn to and you never fail to answer my prayers. I know you are everywhere watchin and blessing me. Pls help me during this crisis period, I do nt know how much more I can take but I will pull through, with you. In your name I pray AMEN.
JASPER
