I did something very very wrong today. I actually hurt my friend during PE. Even though she says shes okay, but i know that she is in great pain at that instant of collision. I should have watched myself well, i shouldnt have go on with full speed when i noe if someone were to come in suddenly, it would have resulted in injuries.
I should have passed on the ball to someone at the empty spot, den nth of this would have happen. I do not know what to say except to apologise, perhaps it would lessen the guilt in me, for it is my impulsiveness, my aggressiveness, my stupidity that led to all this to happen. The clumsy and idiotic me screw everything up.
Maybe i am not good at balls, i am a noob, i dun deserve to play, i am acting smart. In TNT, i am the lousiest and the most clumsy, i always drag the whole team down, they always have to accomodate me, always encouraging me, perhaps i dun deserve a place at all. Everyone is improving each day while i am stagnant, i cannot jump, i have lously stamina, i cant lay up, i cannot shoot well, i simply cant do any drills well at all. Even simple dribbling poses a threat to me. I am lazy, i dun listen to their advice, i drag them down.
Now i have hurt my friend, even though it is accidental, i cant forgive my error. Nothing would have happen if i learn to control. Face reality, i am not cut out for bball. I only injure ppl instead of playing.
This is a harsh lesson for me, a mistake that i will rmb.
I am sry once again.
Today nth went smooth for me, i screwed my GP test, doing some stupid topic, i think i will fail. I haven study math, i haven do alkenes, i have to submit WR tml, i dun understand today's bio lecture, i am lagging behind in my academics. Jus now accompanied julian see mdm song, she say she will come after me if tml i dun get A. And it is not going to be easy tml, i haven studied, i think i will get prepared to write a reflection for her. Then my PW is cock up too, so many errors, den interviews haven secure while other grps have done them.
Why is everything not smooth for me? Why all the negative stuffs are happening to me now? Why cant i just focus well?
Jasper u are jus lously, u cannot handle stress at all, u will crumble one day, time is just waiting. At the rate u are going, u are not cut out for As after all. A levels are for ppl who perservere, half a year has passed, and i ought to feel suited in JC life, but it seems not. Self reflection doesnt help u at all, u only procrastinate, wasting yr time away. Admit it.
Nothing is smooth for me, next week is SPA, i think its screwed, all my motivation is gone, perhaps i cant undergo small setbacks at all. I am just not strong at all. I am weak. I need to rant, but den i doubt i feel better.
Feeling FUCKED UP at myself.
