So it's the second time, i had enough, words do not mean anything to me, i am numbed, frozen, and nothing can replace that sorrow gained. My mood is swayed, i dunno how to continue, no matter how thick skinned, i have emotions too.
From just now till now, i have been doing A maths non stop, and i doubt i will have a peaceful slp tonight, for i cant get over the pain, if i manage to smile tomorrow, it will be a miracle, it feels hurt trying to cover up yr sorrow by pretending to put on a smile in front of yr family. I want to cry, but no tears flow out. Is this e experience of pain?
is 4 yrs of friendship so fragile and weak after all? The phrase either 100% or 0% is indeed put in place, when i close my eyes, i will just rmb wat happen, i just want to numb myself, there is anger and sorrow, and if i dun get it out of myself, i will go beserk. Tml match with wu ming, i want to unleash everything i got, my anger and pain, when will it heal?
To you: perhaps i am a scary person to u now, but why are you so extreme after all? If you want me to leave, so be it, i have emotions, do you know that whenever you feel sad, it will also have an adverse effect on me? I cant help but feel the same. If i have happy news, the first person i want to tell is you. There is so many things that i would like to tell you, i feel elated whenever i saw yr msgs, if i dun make it clear, would you really understand how i felt/?
Maybe i am selfish, i dun give a damn to yr feelings, and it is wishful thinking of mine, but i know if i dun make it clear, in future chances will be slimmer, i oso dun wish to carry false hope all the time. It is only a week to my birthday, where i will be turning 16. I have the urge to celebrate it with you, but i know now in such circumstances, chances of you celebrating with me is 0.001%.
I do not harbour hopes, i hope you will continue to do well, no matter what happens, you can always count on me for support. I want a chance, but i know i have been deprived of it, continue staying strong, i dun want things to turn out awkward between you and i. Next time we meet, i dun want you avoiding me, let me be selfish for once, i reallie reallie like you a lot, i cant explain it, but i know i just felt that a part of me is lost and only seein you will lighten my spirits.
LEt nature take its course, i only know that on this day 17th January 2008 might be the worst day i have, for the pain is still dere while i am blogging it out. It is hurtin, reallie like a millon knives piercing through it.
In pain.
